


Numb

by stylinsuckcock



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-20
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2017-12-24 03:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 16,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/934984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinsuckcock/pseuds/stylinsuckcock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson lives in a wealthy home with a successful lawyer mother. His life seems perfect, but the troubled 17 year old suffers from an eating disorder and self-harms under the weight of depression and bullying. Once his mother discovers Louis' problems, she takes him to the hospital, where he is forced into counseling sessions. It is at these sessions where Louis meets another patient by the name of Harry Styles. The two boys get to know each other over the time being of their sessions, and Louis learns Harry's been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor and attempted suicide. Somewhere along the way, the two boys fall in love and aid each other on their slow paced road to recovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first Larry Stylinson fanfiction so sorry if it's not great. I basically really wanted to write some sad stuff and this happened. I"ve been writing this since March so it's still a work in progress and I need to focus on school a bit right now but I'm still going to update whenever I can. I post this on onedirectionfanfiction.com and Wattpad as well, and my twitter is @stylinsuckcock. Enjoy! :)

Louis slammed his door shut, a loud noise echoing throughout the large, empty house. He threw his school bag to the corner and sat at his expensive, leather chair. It wasn’t long before tears streamed down the 17 year old boys face. Every day at school he’d be taunted for his high-pitched voice, gorgeous blue eyes, feminine bum and the swivel in his hips when he walked. It was a chilly March 6th, and the brisk wind flew in through the slightly cracked window and lightly displaced the disturbed boy’s hair. He briefly closed the window and fell back into his leather chair, deeply sighing. Louis Tomlinson was a regular Doncaster-bound junior in high school. He was born to two wealthy parents, his mother one of the best lawyers around. His father passed when Louis was just 3 years old, and left behind a massive life insurance check. To any person it would have seemed that Louis Tomlinson’s life was great. But beneath the surface of the small-and-curvy and blue-eyed adolescent, was a broken boy searching for answers. His mother was rarely home to care for him, so he grew into an isolated personality at quite a young age. He cared for himself and didn’t rely on others’ help. But this strong isolation also carved into him bulimia, along with self-harm, months of emotional pain and physical scaring evident upon the small boy’s arms. He was also bullied by several students from his high school, “gay,” “faggot, “queer” being just a few of the names he’d been called on a daily basis at school, but Louis was convinced he was straight…right? Three months ago, Louis’ best friend Zayn discovered the scars after his sleeves rolled up. From that time in January, Louis had promised Zayn he wouldn’t self-harm and would always go to him with any problems. But Louis was tired of burdening Zayn with his pointless problems, nothing but useless hours spent on talking of Louis’ issues. Louis knew he wasn’t getting any better and would relapse any day now. That day was today.  
Louis eyed the box on his shelf, the small box that contained a shiny piece of numb, a silver scrap of relief. Deciding it be better today than later, he stole the box from its sitting spot on the shelf and tore the top off. There he faced his worst enemy but best friend, the relief that was hurting him. Disregarding his best friend’s previous pleas, he vaguely picked up the razor and rolled up the sleeve on his left arm. His eyes ran over all the previous scars he’d made before, then to the sharp edge of the razor. Before he could talk himself out of it, he slowly slid the cold metal across his skin, wincing as the sleek feel of the smooth metal raced across his skin. He watched the cut he’d just made, as the nearly invisible line quickly turned to red, soon spilling over the fine line. Louis continued to make little lines upon his wrist, not feeling anymore pain. And just like that, Louis became numb.  
Lou awoke to the sound of the door downstairs to the big house slamming shut. He rubbed his eyes groggily before he quickly realized what he’d done to himself just a few hours earlier. It was now 1:42 a.m., and Louis found he had cried himself asleep before his laptop on the big leather chair. He didn’t rush to bandage the fresh wounds on his arm or clean up the blood that dripped onto his desk in the process because he knew his mother wouldn’t bother to check in on him anyways. He trudged away from the messy scene left at his desk and flopped down onto his bed, not even bothering to change into pajamas, and fell asleep almost instantly.  
That morning was tough. Louis ignored his alarm and his mother, on the rare occasion, had decided to check in on him since he didn’t get up yet. She swung open Louis’ door and walked inside, her heels clicking against the wooden floor waking Lou up. He made no attempt to cover his arm, his mother seemingly oblivious to the fresh, bloody cuts on her only-child’s wrists. “Wake up Lou, you’ll be late for school!” she said as she shook his arm and wandered back to outside of the room, not noticing his blood stained desk either. Louis sighed, shrugging his mother’s poor effort of showing care off and falling asleep once again.  
When Louis didn’t show up to school, Zayn frantically attacked Louis’ iPhone with several calls and messages, his best friend showing more care than his own mother. On the sixth call, Louis picked up the ringing phone and answered in a groggy morning voice.  
“What do you want, Zayn?” Louis answered into the iPhone.  
“Where have you been, Louis? I’ve been worried sick about you, I thought we talked about this, you were supposed to let me know if you’re not coming to school!” Louis groaned at the early morning lecture he received from his worried friend.  
“Right, sorry mate. Had just woke up.” Louis sleepily replied into the phone.  
“Well I’m on my way to your house right now, so get up.”  
Louis shot up at those words, suddenly panicking at the thought of Zayn seeing what he’d done.  
“It’s fine Zayn, you don’t need to, really, everything’s fine.” Louis lied, hoping to avoid the confrontation he knew was to come.  
“Sorry Lou. But I’ll be there in five minutes. Bye.” Zayn quickly disconnected before Louis could further protest his arrival. Louis worriedly raced out of bed to clean up the bloody mess he’d left at his desk the previous day, then proceeding to throw on a long sleeved shirt to cover the fresh cuts. Not long later, the doorbell rang and Louis greeted Zayn. They sauntered over to Louis’ room and sat down. Zayn made several attempts to spark conversation, but Louis dulled each one out with a short remark and nothing more. He didn’t seem to notice anything off, and Louis knew his act convinced Zayn that he was alright.


	2. Chapter 2

It was now March 22nd. A Friday, when normal kids his age would go out and party, but Louis kindly declined the offer when Zayn tried to get Louis to go with him to one. Zayn finally accepted that Lou wouldn’t go, and Louis was glad he could have a peaceful evening to himself. Louis was a very intelligent young boy. His grades soared in elementary and middle school, but once high school came, Louis quickly learned acting dumb was key. Without any social plans troubling him, Louis sat down with a novel and tub of ice cream on the couch of his large living room. With a blank, wide flat screen TV on the wall in front of him and the only sound throughout the empty house being the tick-tock of the clock in the kitchen not far away, Louis thought he was in for a calm night. He was very wrong.  
His mother came home late that night again, this time it being 3:17 a.m. Saturday morning. As she walked through the living room, she found Louis snuggled up on the couch under a blanket with a book on his lap and a little melted ice-cream in the container. She smiled at the peaceful sight, wishing she had more time to spend with her son. After a moment of admiring Louis’ calm sleep, his mother shook his arm to wake him. His eyes fluttered open after a few seconds, acknowledging her return from work and gathering his stuff to go upstairs to bed when he checked his phone. By now his mother was upstairs in her bedroom, and Louis stared at a few missed calls he’d received from Zayn’s phone. He would’ve shrugged it off as drunk dialing, but something about this felt wrong to Louis. Disturbed by the frantic-looking calls, he dialed Zayn’s number to call him back. After a few rings, a tired-sounding female’s voice answered.  
“Louis! I’m so glad you’ve called!” Louis recognized this as Zayn’s mother’s voice.  
“Hello Mrs. Malik, you’ve called me?” he asked with a shaky, worried voice. Mrs. Malik’s voice shook as she spoke back to him.  
“Yes, I’ve called because I know you’re one of Zayn’s closest friends, and I-I thought you should know. Zayn’s been in an accident. He was returning home from a party with his friends, he was in the passenger seat. Apparently the driver was drunk and they crashed into another car after running a red light. There were five people in the car, one of them’s died. The driver is in stable condition, but Zayn- he’s in a coma.” By the time Mrs. Malik finished her words, she was sobbing over the phone to Louis. He didn’t know what to say, he was in shock.  
“How are the doctor’s saying he’s doing?”  
“They say he’s in critical condition and may never wake up. The worst part is, Zayn wasn’t even under the influence. He apparently wasn’t aware the driver was drunk and by the time he realized it was already too late, the car had collided. He’s being treated in the ICU. The doctors let me stay overnight with him in the hospital. You’re welcome to visit at any time during vising hours.” Mrs. Malik sniffled over the line again. Louis’ world was crashing down on him. Zayn was his closest friend- his only friend- he’d kept Louis here for so long, and now he’s hurt.  
“Thank you………. I’m sorry.” Louis managed to choke out as he quickly ended the call, still in shock from what he’s just been told. His best friend might die. It was at that point Louis realized he almost felt jealous of his crippled friend. He ran up the marble stairs to his bedroom, slammed the door shut louder than ever, and went into a rage. He toppled over his leather chair before forcing his fist to the wall, making a hole in the blue colored surface. His rage quickly turned to tears, feeling guilt for not talking Zayn out of going to the party, as if he’d been able to change that. Without giving it a second thought, Louis reached for the box on his shelf, and it was March 6th all over again. But Louis didn’t cut sparingly, he made sure that each centimeter of his left arm was covered in blood, dripping onto the ground with a sickening thud, thud, thud. He was just about to move onto his other arm when his door burst open and Louis’ mother stood in the door way, her eyes landing on the troubled boy’s wrist. Tears fell quickly down her face as she then looked up to her son’s tear-stained face, his trembling body suddenly collapsing to the ground. She ran over to him and took the blade away, throwing it into the distance. She got onto the wooden floor beneath her feet where her son lay sobbing and trembling and she hugged him, one of the first affections she’s shown for him in a while. And he hugged her back, missing the warm embrace of someone caring. After a few minutes of crying to each other, Louis’ mom Jay stood up and quickly ran to get the house phone. She called 911 on that early, still dark Saturday morning and before long an ambulance showed in front of Louis’ big home, taking him to the back of the vehicle as Jay drove following behind the ambulance.  
Louis’ eyes soon fluttered open and he found himself in a bright, white room, lying in a bed with lots of medical equipment surrounding him. He recognized this as a hospital, confused for a few seconds before the painful events of the previous night flooded back to him. He looked to his left arm, wrapped in white bandages stained with red across his wrist. His mother then walked through the door carrying a few magazines, Louis’ phone, a cup of water and some unnamed hospital food. Jay’s eyes quickly widened when she found her son to be awake.  
“Louis! How are you feeling?” she worriedly asked away, still unknowing of the reason for his scaring actions.  
“A little better.” Louis replied, reaching for the cup of water his mother brought him. After taking he took a sip, Jay sat down in the chair next to him, worriedly scanning her son’s face. Tears flooded Louis’ face as he began to speak.  
“Zayn got into an accident.” This was all he needed to say for his mother to understand. Taking the day off from work and staying with Louis, she noticed so much about her son she hadn’t seen before. She noticed how thin he’s gotten, and that last night wasn’t the first time Louis had self-harmed.  
“How long have you…” she motioned to his wrist.  
“About 6 months.” Louis tearfully replied. His mother’s face saddened at the thought of her son hurting and she not being there for him. Jay stepped out to the restroom. Louis suddenly turned his attention to his phone, checking his missed calls immediately. There’d been one missed call from Zayn’s phone this time. He slowly dialed the number back to his friend. After a few rings, a hoarse male voice answered.  
“Hello? Louis?”  
“Zayn! I’m so glad you’re awake!” Louis cheered, relieved to see his friend making progress.  
“How’ve you been? My mom told me she called you after the accident.”  
“Erm… It’s sort of not something to be said over phone.” Louis carefully chose his words.  
“What do you mean? I’m not allowed visitors yet; the doctors say I should tomorrow though.” Guilt struck through Louis, knowing he wouldn’t be so quick to visit his friend or tell him of the news.  
“I’ll see you soon Zayn.” Louis quickly disconnected before he could be further questioned by his friend, and began crying once again.  
He decided he would tell him once they let him out of the hospital, surely it must be soon considering the cuts didn’t slit any veins. He placed his phone on the table beside him and decided to take a nap.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis awoke to find his mother sitting in the seat next to the hospital bed, her hands covering her face as she sniffled. She then proceeded to wipe the tears off her face, makeup slightly smudging, and noticed Louis had finally awoken.  
“Mom… What’s wrong?” Louis questioned worriedly, wondering what had troubled his mother this time.  
“Louis… I need to tell you something. Please, just-just stay calm about it.” Louis sat up and braced for whatever he was about to be told.  
“Zayn’s mother called me… she said his condition got worse, he fell into another coma, and… and-“she couldn’t finish her sentence without breaking into tears once again.  
“And what?” Louis pressed, desperate to know what she couldn’t manage to tell him.  
“Zayn passed while you were asleep.” She hardly choked out the words, continuing to sob into a tissue. Louis didn’t know how to react, it was almost like he was the one that died. He didn’t know how to live, or react, or go on, he felt emotionless. A piece of him left with Zayn. He was the reason Louis had stayed alive for as long as he did, and after a few minutes of staring at a blank white wall in the hospital room while his mother beside him cried, the first tear fell. Realization hit him. He felt as he had no reason to live anymore, now that soon his mother would go back to work and he would continue to get bullied at school, without Zayn to even talk to. He was completely alone in the world. And with that, Louis yanked the IV out of his arm and ran into the hospital hallway, desperately turning, finding a chair to throw just a few yards ahead before collapsing to the ground in uncontrollable sobs. Doctors and nurses soon gathered around him, trying to collect the broken boy off the ground and back into his hospital room. Louis screamed and cried, as if yelling loud enough would bring Zayn back. He soon felt a small pain in his arm, where he found he had been poked with a needle, being sedated by a nurse. He quickly lost consciousness and was brought back to his room, his mother crying even harder than before.  
Louis once again awoke groggily, this time the previous events flooding back even quicker. His mother was right outside the hospital room, Louis observed through the shades in the windows. She was talking to a doctor, seeming to be in agreement about something with him. He walked away and she turned to quickly notice Louis’ consciousness. She cautiously entered the all-white room, quietly closing the door behind her. Jay sat in the seat beside Louis, staring at the tile floor before she spoke.  
“Mrs. Malik called and told me what happened. I’m so sorry Lou, really. Please just never do anything like that again.” Louis wasn’t sure if she was referring to his wrist or the rage he was sent into when he found out Zayn died, but he nodded anyway, assuming both.  
“I also spoke with the doctor, he gave me a few suggestions I’ve already considered.” Louis frowned at the mention, slowly understanding what she was leaning towards.  
“He suggested a good friend of his, Doctor Horan, who specializes in helping people through things like grief and self-harm. You’ll start seeing him tomorrow. I didn’t have much of a choice, and the hospital was strongly suggestive of his services, so I signed the papers.” Louis’ first reaction was anger, clenching his fists and preparing to protest the help being forced upon him, before observing his mother’s tired, worried face and red, puffy eyes. He only nodded his head in agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

It was now the third day Louis had been kept in the hospital, and Louis slowly opened his eyes from his sleep when a nurse lightly woke him to change the bandages on his wrist. Wincing when she cleaned the still sore cuts on his left arm, he observed his mother wasn’t with him anymore. Once the nurse had finished her job, Louis turned to check his phone before noticing a small note written on a napkin. “Lou, I had to go back to work and hospital wanted me to leave anyway. Today you will start your counseling, I hope you aren’t mad at me. I’ll visit soon. Love, mum.” Louis hated the thought of going to a room full of people with problems and sharing his personal life and problems with complete strangers, but he agreed to it to spare his mother some worrying. Flipping through magazines that were stacked on the tiny desk beside the hospital bed, Louis settled on one and began to turn through the pages. Not much long later a nurse entered his room, bringing with her a tray of hospital food. Louis thanked the woman and accepted the tray, but placed the unnamed food on the desk immediately after she’d left. Louis knew it was only a matter of time before he’d be taken to the counseling, but what he didn’t know was that his life would change drastically.  
Not many hours later, there was a knock at the door, as Louis had eagerly awaited. A male nurse entered the room this time, flipping through Louis’ papers. After a few seconds of evaluation, he looked up at Louis, and began to speak.  
“Good morning, Mr. Tomlinson. You will be taken to your counseling session now.” Louis placed the magazines and his phone on the little desk next to him and stood up, walking with the nurse to an unfamiliar part of the hospital. After a short walk through the mental center, he was brought into a room where sat a counselor with short brunette hair styled in a sweep to the side and blue eyes in a circle with about six others, an empty chair waiting for Louis.  
“Nice to see you’ve joined us today, Louis!” Louis gave a small smile before quietly proceeding to the chair.  
“Now that we’ve all gathered, we can begin. I’m Doctor Horan. Why don’t we all introduce ourselves?” the counselor suggested in his Irish accent, looking towards the patient next to him. 3 patients introduce themselves before its Louis’ turn, and he shyly disclosed his name to the 7 others. The next two introduce themselves as well, before it’s the last patient’s turn. “Harry Styles” the boy simply states, looking no older than Louis. Something about Harry had caught Louis’ eye, and he wasn’t sure if it was his emerald green eyes, chocolate brown hair that fell in curls, dimples on his cheeks or the cheeky smile that embraced them. Harry suddenly noticed Louis’ stare and returned a shy smile before looking to the tile ground of the room. Louis quickly looked away and back at the counselor.  
“Now that we’ve all met, let’s discuss why we’re here.” Doctor Horan started. “Each of us have different problems, and though we may not all understand each of them, we are here to help each other through these problems. Would anyone care to share first?” The doctor looked to his patients, but there was no response. He sighed, and turned to Harry.  
“Would you like to begin, Mr. Styles?” the doctor questioned, hoping to get the session started. Harry gazed around the room nervously, not sure how to begin to explain what’s happened to him and why exactly he’s there.  
“Um… well a few weeks ago I kept getting these headaches and nausea so I went to the doctor. He diagnosed me with a cancerous brain tumor and…” Harry’s voice trailed off. Tears stung Louis’ eyes as he listened to Harry’s story.  
“…and I tried to kill myself.” Harry revealed as he displayed a red ring around his neck from a failed hanging attempt. Louis hadn’t even realized he was crying till a tear rolled down his cheek and down onto the hospital gown. He quickly wiped his cheek and turned away to avoid being caught, but Harry had already stolen a glimpse at Louis’ tearful face.


	5. Chapter 5

Louis was kept in the hospital for the time being of his sessions, but after that day he couldn’t help but think about Harry. Louis wasn’t sure what it was about him that caught his eye, but he knew he felt something special towards this green-eyed boy. He spent the night thinking about the patient he’d met in yesterday’s session and honestly couldn’t wait till the next session so he could see those dimples embraced in his cheeks once again. It was Tuesday, his fourth day in the hospital. Snapping out of his daydream about the newly-acquainted Harry, Louis stood up from the hospital bed and decided to get a tea from the hallway coffee-maker. Leaving the all-white room behind him as his feet padded down the cold hallway, he suddenly recognized a familiar head of chocolate brown curls standing at the coffee-maker. Louis hesitated before proceeding towards the boy, slowly approaching his destination. Harry abruptly turned to look up at the nearing guest, before easing a shy smile onto his face. Louis was relieved to see a smile as he arrived in front of the machine.  
Harry was fixing himself hot chocolate, pouring the cocoa into a white foam cup of hot water. Louis reached over to the box of tea, coffee, and hot chocolate packets and opened the drawer of Yorkshire tea. Setting the water to fill another cup, Louis patiently waited by the counter. A few silence-filled moments passed between the young men. Harry’s hot chocolate was finished in the foam cup by then, and he proceeded to make his way back to his hospital room when he knocked over the nearly empty carton of milk stood on the counter, which found itself quickly pooling on the grey tile floor.  
“Oops!” Harry gasped and almost immediately ducked down to fix the mess. He found his hand resting on top of another strangers’ hand on the carton which he looked up to trace back to Louis.  
“Hi!” Louis returned, when the two boys’ eyes met before the mess. After a few seconds passed, both of the boys had looked away, a slight blush creeping onto Harry’s cheeks. Louis grabbed a few napkins from the counter and helped Harry clean up the mess.  
“Thanks…For the help.” Harry quietly slipped to Louis before waddling away with his hot chocolate in the opposite direction.  
“No problem.” Louis called back to the boy who was already on his way down the hall. He finished off making his tea and headed back to his hospital room too, thinking about what had just occurred.  
Louis didn’t know what it was about the incident that made him smile, but he grinned like an idiot for basically the rest of the day. He made several trips to the bathroom and around the hospital in hopes of running into the pretty boy again, but they proved unsuccessful. Slightly tired by his adventures around, Louis made his way back to his room, crawling into the white hospital bed for the fourth night now, missing his comfortable waterbed in his room back at home. He turned to his side and fell asleep in a matter of minutes, his mind still wandering today’s events.


	6. Chapter 6

Sunlight that fell through the open shades of the hospital window seeped through Louis’ eyelids, waking him from a peaceful sleep. It was Wednesday, his fifth day in the hospital, and he was rather used to waking up in the nearly colorless room. He suddenly remembered today was his second counseling session, meaning he got to see Harry again. Louis smiled at the thought of hearing him talk again, and he was also convinced he could sing. He could hear by the sound of his voice, he was definitely vocally talented. A nurse then walked into his room, Louis snapping out of his thoughts about Harry.  
“Good morning Mr. Tomlinson, how are you feeling today?”  
“I’m well.” Louis responded with a small smile. The nurse checked Louis’ papers on the clipboard at the end of his bed, then walked out, and Louis reached for his phone to see how things have been going back home. With Harry on his mind constantly for the past few days, he’d nearly forgotten that his best-friend had just died, and that was the reason he was here in the hospital, and the reason he’d met Harry. Louis was sort of thankful for that, at least. Once he opened his messages, he’d noticed one from his mother. It said that she had spoken to Zayn’s mom, and that the family was grieving greatly, but they were doing alright. It also included that Zayn’s funeral would be in two days, on Friday. She ended it saying she would leave work early and visit him that day. Louis quickly got up and sped into the hallway, suddenly running into a figure slightly taller than him. He looked up to find Harry clumsily stepping back, his curls in a mess on his face.  
“Sorry!” Louis immediately chimed, looking up at the slightly taller boy who was now nearly laughing.  
“Sorry.” He simply stated back, still grinning and staring back at Louis. Louis gave a shy smile, and found himself lightly blushing.  
“Why’re you in such a rush?” Harry questioned, almost towering over Louis now.  
“Was going to ask the doctor something, what’re you doing in this part of the hospital?” Louis answered back.  
“I was on my way to the coffee machine, just woke up.”  
“Oh okay. Well I’ll see you later, Harry.” Louis couldn’t help but smile.  
“See you later, Lou.” Harry returned the smile and went on in the other direction. Louis made his way over to the nurse’s desk not too far away from his room. She looked up from her computer with a blank expression, as if she couldn’t care less what Louis had to say.  
“Will I be able to leave the hospital on Friday to go to a funeral?” He asked, sadness suddenly settling back in.  
“Name?” the nurse requested.  
“Louis William Tomlinson.” He answered.  
She then read out his birthday, and Louis confirmed it was him.  
“I’ll ask the doctor when he arrives, then I’ll let you know.”  
Louis thanked the nurse and made his way back to his hospital room. Before entering the room, he glanced down the hallway to the coffee machine, but Harry was already gone. He began to flip through some more magazines, time passing him. He was excited for his counseling session with Harry in a few hours, he felt something special to this boy he’d only talked to few times. He idly turned the pages of the magazines, eyes skimming over the pictures of celebrities and pointless, ridiculous articles. He suddenly turned the page to a picture of one of his favorite singers, Liam Payne. He got through as a solo act on the X-Factor not too long ago, and Louis was in love with the music he made ever since he won third place. An article said he was releasing a new album in a week. Louis finished the magazine and moved on to the next one in the pile next to his hospital bed.


	7. Chapter 7

A few hours later, a nurse entered Louis’ room to escort him to the therapy session. Louis placed the magazines and his phone down and followed her through the same set of halls and corridors as he did last time before the first session. Once he arrived, he entered the room to find a different setting. Instead of the set of 8 chairs in a circle like last time, there were 8 stools in front of blank canvases with a set of paint. A few people were already there, Louis observed, but Harry was not. He wandered over to a canvas next to the window and sat down. Doctor Horan wasn’t in the room, but a set of instructions were on the board at the front of the room. They said to paint something that could describe how they felt right now. The others that were in the room had already begun painting. Louis looked to the set of paint in front of him, a wide variety of bright, happy colors to dull and dreary ones. Deciding to make the painting most accurate, he chose to use both happy and dull colors; dark colors for the grief of losing his best friend, but happy colors for finding Harry. He began with the light colors, resembling his happiness. As he focused on painting the canvas in front of him, he had hardly realized someone had sat at the canvas right beside him. After finishing a few streaks of light colors, he looked over to the patient sat at his right. Louis almost laughed when he saw it was Harry, any form of grief suddenly pushed to the back of his mind. Harry turned to face Louis too, reflecting his smile like a mirror. Louis couldn’t even begin to describe how he felt when Harry was around. He’d only met the boy a few times and the feeling he got when Harry was around was unlike anything else. They both turned back to their paintings, and Louis continued to paint most of the canvas in bright, joy-filled colors. He painted a small heart in the corner in a dark color to resemble his grief for his best friend. After a little while of painting, Louis’ eyes wandered over to Harry’s canvas, seeing most of it colored in bright colors too, only a small corner at the top of the paper painted in a combination of the darkest, dullest colors that no bright color would have been able to cover up. Louis looked back to his canvas and finished painting.

Louis was back in his room now, playing some game on his phone. The session had ended a while ago, but Louis’ mind kept returning to Harry’s painting. The painting look undeniably euphoric, but the patch of dark colors in the corner troubled him to no end. He wondered for hours what it could’ve been, or what the painting really meant in total. Louis disregarded it for now though. Suddenly there was a knock to his door. Louis looked up to see his mother open the door and walk into the room.  
“Hi mum.” Louis chirped, standing up to hug her.  
“Hi sweety, how’ve you been? How are the counseling sessions?” She questioned, sitting in the chair beside Louis’ hospital bed.  
“They’re pretty good actually. Today we had to paint our feelings. I made a friend too, his name is Harry.”  
“That’s great!”  
“How’s everything at home?”  
“Same old, nothing new. I just spoke with the doctor about the funeral in 2 days. He said you can leave for the funeral and make a trip home for a little while, but need to be back before the end of the day.” She spoke.  
Louis smiled at the thought of being able to go home for a few hours, missing his room. Jay turned to a plastic bag she brought with her, revealing a few new magazines, couple of books, his iPod and earphones. Louis smiled gratefully and retrieved the items from his mother.  
“He also said you’ll be able to go home Sunday after the session and just come back every other day for the rest of your sessions.” At this, Louis was very happy. He wanted to go home so much, tired of the uncomfortable mattress, anonymous hospital food, and lack of things to do throughout the day. Louis’ mom then told him about her day at work, and whatever had happened back at home. She also told him that many people from school were worried and called throughout the day to find out what had happened. Louis’ jaw nearly dropped when he heard that several people cared enough to notice his absence. He never really thought anyone but Zayn cared. His mother continued talking about something when Louis suddenly heard a subtle tap at the glass of the window in front of his room. Jay didn’t seem to notice and kept talking, but Louis looked forward to find Harry standing behind the open shades smiling and waving. Louis chuckled and waved back, Jay turning around to see who had caught her son’s attention.  
“Who’s that?” She asked Louis after Harry walked away from the window.  
“That’s Harry, the one I told you about.” Louis answered. He and his mother talked for awhile longer about anything that came to mind. It kind of saddened Louis that he had to end up in the hospital for his mom to finally see what happened to her son. He understood her job was important, but he was really hurting.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day Louis wakes up to the sound of thunder and an image of pouring rain portrayed at his window. Dark clouds haunted the sky, dulling the cimmerian day. It’s Thursday now, Louis’ sixth day in the hospital. He lied there a while, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the past week. He wondered what would happen when he went back to school, what would change when he got home, and of course the topic of Harry crossed his mind too. Louis found it extremely difficult to comprehend what he felt towards Harry, or why, or how he even got to this point in less than a week. He wondered about his sexuality too, and what Harry might think of the situation, and what would happen once the counseling sessions ended and he would only see Harry every other day. It made Louis a little disappointed to think he’d see Harry less often. It upset him a lot actually, and the longer he thought about it the more it bothered him. There was a sudden knock on the door, before a female nurse in a blue uniform entered Louis’ room.  
“Good morning Mr. Tomlinson, how are you feeling today?” The nurse asked while flipping through his papers on the clipboard at the end of his bed.  
“I’m well, thank you.” Louis responded, stomach abruptly making an obnoxious growl.  
“Have you been brought breakfast yet?” She asked, concerned with his evident hunger.  
“No mam.”  
“I’ll get someone to have it brought to you immediately.” She responded, striding out the door and to the left of the corridor. Louis went back to his interrupted thoughts. The sudden reminder that there was no counseling session capsized his hopes for seeing Harry. The door to Louis’ room was soon opened again. A female nurse in a pink uniform entered, carrying with her a tray of food and a cup of cold water. She walked over to the desk and placed it down and walked out without a word. Louis picked out few decent pieces of food from the tray, leaving the rest. He then gets up and walks out of the room, down the hallway and towards the coffee maker. He sets the water to boil and waits for his cup of coffee to brew, adding a few sugars and turning to retreat to his room. As Louis turns from the machine, his eyes travel down the hall to meet with Harry’s. He walked in Louis’ direction. Louis took his coffee and began to walk towards his room and the approaching Harry.  
“Hey Tomlinson.” Harry greeted, looking into Louis’ eyes.  
“Hi, Harry.” Louis shyly responded, looking right back into Harry’s eyes. After a few seconds, Louis looked away.  
“I was thinking…erm… maybe we could…like, text each other? You know, since there isn’t much to do during the day…” Harry’s voice trailed off, bashfully looking at the tile floor as he spoke.  
“Um…yeah sure.” Louis answered, slightly surprised by the proposal. Harry pulled his phone out and Louis read out his number to him. Harry saved the contact and they said their good-byes. He gave Louis a genuine smile, one that looked like his entire day had been brightened, and it was only morning. As soon as Louis got back to his room, there was already a new message on his phone from an unknown number.  
“Hey .xx” It read. Louis laughed and responded to him, knowing it was Harry.

Louis spent most of that day texting Harry, taking short strolls around the hospital despite how many times he was asked to stay in his room. He also got to know Harry a bit better. They found a lot out about each other. Louis learned that Harry is 15, and that he just moved to Doncaster a few months ago from Cheshire when his dad died. He lives with his mom and sister and they just found the cancer last month. It was a pretty developed tumor already, and Harry knew how much it hurt his family to know he was in this pain and that it’d cost a lot for treatment, so he wanted to just end it all. He tried to hang himself on his ceiling fan but his sister Gemma walked in after he didn’t respond for a few minutes. He was unconscious but they called an ambulance and he was brought to this hospital. Louis then told Harry about his life basically, about missing a father too, and that his self-harm had got him into the hospital when he found out his best friend had been in a car accident, and later died. They talked about life and random things that came to mind too, and got to know each other that day better than they had any day before.


	9. Chapter 9

When Louis wakes up on that Friday morning, the reminder of Zayn’s funeral is like a punch in the face as soon as he opens his eyes. It was raining again, and Louis thought it was pretty ironic that it was rainy of the day of the funeral, but rarely was the weather different anyway. He glanced at the basic black-and-white clock hung above the door to the room. It was 9:17a.m., he had a session at 10:00 and the funeral was at 12:00. Louis sighed deeply, staring at the blank white ceiling before starting to cry again. He thought about how much Zayn had helped him through, and how he had never really appreciated the effort Zayn put into making sure Louis was okay. He planned to tell Zayn about the incident when he went to visit him as soon as he could leave the hospital, because it wasn’t really something to say over the phone. He thought about how quickly he ended the phone call, which happened to be the last time he’d ever speak to Zayn. He regretted ending that call, and not telling Zayn what happened, and not stopping Zayn from going to that party in the first place. Louis couldn’t help but blame himself, he felt like he had a chance to stop Zayn but he didn’t, and maybe if he’d gone with Zayn they would’ve somehow gotten home safely, and Zayn wouldn’t be dead right now, and Louis wouldn’t be preparing for his funeral today. Louis wiped his tears and picked up his phone, seeing no new messages. He got up to take a walk to the coffee maker, being halfway down the hall before he recognized the tall figure in front of the coffee maker, looking back at Louis. Harry was standing by the machine, with two styrofoam cups and a cheeky smile. As Louis approached, they greeted each other and Harry handed Louis one of the two cups.  
“Tea with two sugars and milk.” He announced, and Louis was impressed he had remembered what Louis got the first time they met at the coffee maker. He gladly accepted the tea and thanked Harry.  
“Were you… crying?” Harry asked, a concerned look sprawled on his face as he observed Louis’ face.  
“Um… yeah I was, it’s fine though.” Louis managed, already holding back a new set of tears.  
“Come on.” Harry said, leading him towards Louis’ hospital room. The boys walked in and shut the door. They set their cups on the desk and stand in the all-white room.  
“Do you wanna talk?” Harry asks, voice filled with concern and sympathy.  
“Today… is Zayn’s funeral…” Louis sputters, before bursting into tears again. He was embarrassed crying in front of Harry, trying to wipe his tears and calm down. Harry suddenly wraps his arms around Louis, and he didn’t try to stop him. He cried on Harry’s shoulder for a few minutes, sniffling and trying to catch his breath. When they pulled away, Louis composed himself and looked up at Harry, the boy slightly taller than him. They looked into each other’s eyes again, Louis observing Harry’s emerald green eyes, glistening as he looked right back into Louis’. Their eye contact resembled a mirror, and they stayed like that a while. Louis suddenly broke his gaze from the beautiful boy.  
“Sorry… I’m just a complete mess today.” Louis stammered, looking at his feet.  
“It’s alright, Lou. Everything’s going to be alright.” Harry reassured him, trying to catch his gaze again.  
“Thank you, Harry. I just don’t know how I’m going to get through today.” Louis answered. Louis’ now unwrapped wrist caught Harry’s attention, and he started crying again once he saw them all. There were few stitches on some of the deeper cuts, though the others were equally terrifying. Louis noticed Harry’s tears falling and followed his gaze to his arm, and they hugged each other even tighter that time.


	10. Chapter 10

The boys stayed in Louis’ room for a while, talking about all kinds of things. They even talked about music, and once Harry finished naming all his indie bands Louis never even heard of, he came across a name they both loved- Liam Payne. They loved how inspiring his story was. From complications as a child, to being rejected when he first auditioned when he was 14, Liam had a long story behind him. But he rose to success when he auditioned a second time on the X-Factor at age 16. He’s been a successful solo act ever since for nearly 3 years now, and Louis loved that he and Harry had some common music interests. Louis also added that he’d been to one of Liam’s concerts almost 2 years ago, and Harry added that he was at the same exact concert. Louis named some of his favorite music, and they found a few more matches. They talked about school too, and Louis mentioned he loved going to Drama. Harry wasn’t exactly an actor, but he did mention he was in a play when he was very young and had to wear his sister’s leggings. They had a good laugh at that, and Louis knew then that he loved talking to Harry. His life-long best-friend’s funeral is today, and Harry still had Louis laughing. Louis appreciated it, he really did. In those moments of pure happiness, Harry made Louis feel like he had no troubles. They talked for what felt like hours before a nurse entered Louis’ room. She wasn’t happy Harry had stayed there without any permission, but she knew Louis’ situation and understood when she saw a light in Louis’ eyes that hadn’t been there any day before during his stay at the hospital. She took them both to the counseling session, following the same short path through the hospital to the same room again. When they walked into the room, a few patients were already there, along with doctor Horan. The 8 chairs were in a circle again, like the first session. Doctor Horan and 3 other patients sat in their seats already, chatting quietly among themselves. No one there was reallycrazy like Louis had expected. They were people just like Louis, who had something that happened in their life cause them to do things others wouldn’t. You can’t really understand what it’s like until you’re in those very shoes. The feeling of everyone looking at you like you’re crazy because you do something that’s considered unusual or abnormal is unlike anything else. It makes you want to scream in their face, trying to convince them that you’re normal. But then you realize, that would make you seem even more unstable, so you start to question if you really aren’t crazy. Because everyone’s convinced they’re not crazy, and that everyone else around them could be. But once you’re looked at like that, the way a 5 year old might look at an asylum, you start to wonder if you really aren’t crazy. It messes with your mind, and before you even know it, you spend most of your time either convincing yourself that you’re not crazy, or accepting it and analyzing why you’re crazy. Louis finally understood that, and it was something he’d realized during one of those hours he spent staring at a wall, wondering how he’d even got himself into this mess. When someone thinks of a person being “mentally ill,” they imagine someone who does ridiculous things or screams at objects or just acts completely irrational. But the truth is, being mentally ill isn’t just that. It’s being the victim of your own thoughts, twisting them into things the healthy mind couldn’t imagine. Why would physically hurting yourself be addicting? How is that even possible? One who asks these questions would be considered mentally healthy. One who knows these answers could be called “crazy.” You can tell someone “it’s addicting because it numbs the mental pain, when you focus on the physical pain.” But they wouldn’t understand that. How could someone with a healthy mind understand that? It makes no logical sense, your brain would tell you that pain is bad and you would be driven away from that idea with common sense. A good question would be, “if overthinking is the cause of it, then why wouldn’t all that thinking give you that common sense that tells you not to hurt yourself?” Louis understood that before, but now the answer is just obvious to him, and he knows that he’s not considered “normal” or “mentally healthy.” But he’s okay with it, because that’s just him. If he could change it he would, but he can’t, so why would he dwell over something that he can’t fix? He’s really convinced that he’s not mentally stable, but he doesn’t see himself doing harm to anyone else (on purpose), so he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Maybe that’s why he really likes Harry. Because Louis knows that Harry knows that he is different, yet he still sees right through it to the actual person Louis is behind that “crazy” label. Louis liked the way he figured out his thoughts, and he wanted to share them with others so much so they could understand too. But he knew that since he’s considered “crazy,” no one would believe him, so it was just one of the things Louis would have to keep to himself.  
Louis and Harry took a seat next to each other. Doctor Horan looked at the two and smiled a little, Louis noticed, and he knew that he saw the same thing the nurse saw. The boys made each other happy without even trying. The rest of the patients soon arrived, and doctor Horan began to speak.  
“Welcome, everyone. I observed your paintings from last time, and I must say that they have been very helpful with showing me what’s going on in your mind. Now that I have a better idea of your situations, today we’re going to talk about what we can do to fix these situations.” Dr. Horan picked up a small cardboard box off the ground that was filled with small strips of paper. He randomly chose a paper and read the name.  
“Harry Styles. We remember Harry’s story, right everyone?” Horan asked, and the patients nodded.  
“What do we think can be done in Harry’s situation?” The doctor asked, but no one said anything for a few seconds. Louis suddenly spoke up.  
“I think… maybe if he can find someone he trusts and likes, they can be there for him and help him through whatever is going on in his life, like the treatment for the… tumor.” Louis had trouble finishing the sentence, tears stinging at his eyes again. It hurt him to know Harry had to have this cancer, and that there was a chance he wouldn’t even survive. Doctor Horan said something supportive Louis couldn’t bother to listen to, and Louis suddenly felt someone’s hand resting on his. He looked up to see Harry with tears falling down his face, but with an appreciative smile. Tears soon traced down Louis’ face too, and Harry smudged them with the side of his thumb. They didn’t even notice others were now speaking about someone else’s situation, because when they paid attention to each other, nothing else in the world mattered.


	11. Chapter 11

The session finished at 11:00 a.m., and Louis headed back to his room. He had to wait there for his mother to pick him up and take him home so he could get ready for the funeral. He dressed into the clothes he had from when he checked in a week ago. He left everything as it was, only taking his phone with him. He walked over to the coffee machine once outside of his room, making himself a tea and returning to his room. He played a game on his phone for a few minutes before there was a knock at his door. His mom entered and he grabbed his phone, tea, and jacket. They stopped at the desk in the lobby so he could be signed out, then made their way out of the hospital and to his mom’s car. The walk was silent, the only sound being the water when cars drove over puddles on the street. The rain let up for a while but the sky remained dark and gloomy, and Louis was thankful for the near-silence. It gave him peace in which his thoughts could flow as easily as water. He thought about his current situation. A week ago from now, Louis was in school, where no one liked him except for Zayn. In the evening, he talked to Zayn and declined going to a party. Today, one week later, he is going to Zayn’s funeral. A lot can happen in a week, Louis observed. The drive from the hospital to Louis’ home was short, and they soon pulled into the driveway of their wealthy home. Louis and his mom got out of the car after cutting the engine and stepped up the few stairs to the grand door of their home. Louis sauntered his way over to his room on the next floor, opening the door and stepping in. He missed his things; it was good to be home. His mother followed behind and met him in his room. She walked over to the closet and pulled out a black suit in a foil. She laid it on Louis’ mattress and walked out to prepare herself for the funeral. Louis closed his door and undressed himself of the sweatpants and T-shirt he was wearing. He then walked into his personal bathroom and took a quick shower. After Louis walked out, he dried and styled his hair. He pulled the long black dress pants up and buttoned his white shirt. He slipped on a black blazer and then walked over to a large mirror on his wall. Louis adjusted his hair a little and put on cologne. Satisfied with himself but not too concerned with his appearance, Louis walked downstairs and into the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of water and heard footsteps behind him.  
“Are you hungry?” Jay walked into the kitchen and suggested a few things she could quickly cook since it was 11:37 and the funeral was at 12:00. Louis shook his head, declining any meals offered. Funeral or not, he wasn’t going to eat. He had been called fat too many times at school to even consider another meal, maybe a small snack later. She sighed and walked over to Louis. She hugged him, and pulled away a few seconds later with a face already full of tears.  
“I’m so sorry Louis. I’m sorry for not being here for you when you needed me. I’m sorry you had to go through that all by yourself. I’m sorry you felt that way and I hadn’t noticed a thing. I’m sorry about Zayn. I’m sorry about everything, Louis- I’m so sorry.” She rambled on, apologizing for all that’s happened lately. Louis began to cry too and hugged his mom. “I love you.” She whispered barely audibly, but Louis heard her.  
“I love you too.” He answered.


	12. Chapte 12

After a beautiful ceremony they took a short walk to a cemetery. It wasn’t open casket, and Louis was thankful for that, because if he saw Zayn he’d be crying even harder than he already was. Louis questioned if that were even possible. A group of people were already there, gathered around a 6-foot deep hole in the ground in front of a casket. Some of the people Louis recognized were Zayn’s immediate family which he’d met several times when he visited his home. There were few faces Louis didn’t recognize. He and his mother stood with the others and the ceremony began. Louis had already gone through 2 pocket-sized packets of tissues, now starting another one he was thankful his mother had. Louis can’t remember the last time he’d cried this much.  
After the ceremony was over, Louis went over to Zayn’s mother. Other family members said encouraging things to her. Louis’ uncontrollable sobs didn’t let him make out a word. She hugged Louis tight, she knew he and Zayn were the closest friends. After a few seconds, Louis moved on and his mother greeted her. They were close friends too, for years they had known each other. Once it was all over, Louis and Jay drove home in silence and sniffles. At home, Louis went up the marble stairs to his room and crawled into bed, crying himself to sleep. It was only 2:17 but Louis didn’t care, he just needed a rest. He was so exhausted from crying he fell asleep in a matter of minutes.  
The next time Louis opened his eyes, it was 5:06 in the evening. He thought a peaceful nap after Zayn’s funeral would calm him down and make him feel a little better, but it didn’t. He awoke with dry tears stains on his face and a little bit of a runny nose. A sad feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. It was one he couldn’t describe but was all too familiar. He lazily got out of bed and shrugged on a robe, bringing him warmth in the large, cold house. Louis made his way down to the kitchen and had half a yogurt, a glass of water, and headed back upstairs for his room. He sat down in that chair in front of his closed laptop. He was so tired of feeling this way. The feeling of being helplessly, endlessly depressed was exhausting, especially with it’s random appearances. You’ll be fine for maybe two weeks, but then it all comes back to you. Being “social” helps it out a bit, but once you’re finally alone again it hits you back ten times worse. That’s why Louis preferred being alone. He’d rather be lonely than even more depressed than he already was. He actually wondered if it was even possible to be any sadder than he was, but it didn’t matter anyway. Nothing mattered in life anymore. Happiness, health, the meaning of life- it was all gone, unimportant, and irrelevant to Louis. The feeling was the most dreadful occurrence Louis could imagine; he wouldn’t wish it upon his worst enemy. But of course, Louis had discovered a way with coping with that feeling. This method required hardly any work, just some mental encouragement. It would leave you with a slight shock that would quickly avert your attention from the deep pit of sadness you were stuck in to a new sensation. One of pain too, but a pain you could control. Louis thinks that was the most addicting part of it. Being able to control the pain you emitted was like holding your miserable life in your own hands. These thoughts swirled around in Louis’ mind, convincing him to reach for that box on his shelf once again. The past week had become a blur; nothing mattered anymore. Louis reasoned that he was only hurting himself; he had no intention whatsoever of purposely and directly hurting anyone he had loved. He opened the box and found no razor blade. The eager to feel a cold slice of metal race across his skin was increased by this. He soon pulled open his drawer in a desperate search for something he could use to inflict pain on himself. His eyes settled upon a pair of scissors and he soon picked them up. He parted the blades and held them down the middle of the scissor. He brought the metal to the skin on his left wrist, getting goose-bumps when the chilly blade came in contact with his arm. He pressed the blade into his skin, deciding to push the sharp side a little deeper down to cut a deeper scar. Louis didn’t even wince at the thought of pulling the blade across his wrist, but before he could, an image of Harry flashed to his mind. That moment when Louis traced Harry’s gaze down to his arm, eyes scanning over each and every scar on Louis’ wrist and tears falling down his face at the hospital, was more painful than any scar Louis had ever made. When the image of Harry left Louis’ mind, he looked down at his arm sandwiched between his desk and the scissors. He slowly released his wrist from under the pressure of the scissors. He found it made a very slight mark but not a cut. He replaced the scissors to the drawer and closed it, sitting there a while more and thinking about what had just gone through his mind.  
When Louis’ thoughts were cleared, he got up from the desk and gathered his pajamas. He then went into his personal bathroom and took a long, hot shower. About 30 minutes later, Louis emerged from the shower and back to his room where he towel-dried his hair. He pulled out a duffel bag from his closet and packed 2 shirts and a pair of sweatpants. He wouldn’t have to wear the hospital clothes anymore since he was signed out already and would be leaving the hospital on Sunday anyway. He stuffed a few more magazines into the bag, along with his phone charger, earphones, and a good book. Feeling as though he had gathered everything he needed for the next couple of days, Louis grabbed the duffel bag and decided to go downstairs. His bare, little feet padded down the cold marble stairs of his home and around into the living room. He settled on the couch and watched television for about 30 minutes before he heard someone walk downstairs too. He watched as Jay appeared in the doorway, already dressed in her formal work clothes and on her way to the closet to put on her shoes.  
“Let’s go, Louis. I’m late for work and need to drop you off at the hospital before I go.”  
Louis got up from the sofa, turned the TV off and grabbed his duffel bag. He made sure he had his phone in his pocket before leaving through the already open door of his house and following his mother to their car.  
The drive to the hospital was relatively short, so about 15 minutes later Louis is stepping out of the car with his mom and returning to the building. They walk in and Jay goes over to the desk in the lobby to sign Louis back in to the hospital. A few minutes later, Jay is kissing Louis on the cheek goodbye and rushing out the door back to her car through the rain. A nurse in a pink uniform escorts Louis back to his room though he’s already familiar with where it is. He steps in and sees everything is as he left it but new sheets on the bed. He climbed onto the mattress and checked his phone, finding the time to be 6:12 in the evening now. His stomach rumbled but he wouldn’t dare have a meal. He reached into the duffel bag he brought with him and retrieved an apple he took from home earlier. He ate about half of it before placing the rest on a tray next to his bed and returning his attention to his phone.  
A little while later Louis left his room to visit the coffee machine for a tea before the night. The clock in the hall of the hospital read 9:38. A few minutes later, when Louis was finished with the brew, he sauntered back to his room. He was about to return to his previous occupation on his phone when he noticed a notification on the lock screen. It was a new message, from Harry. Louis smiled at the cute, short greeting harry texted him, inviting a conversation that was sure to last for hours. Once Harry texted Louis goodnight some time around midnight, Louis fell into a deep, restful sleep. It seemed that Harry could help Louis through anything. Louis was so thankful for meeting Harry, and he wondered if Harry felt the same. Louis also thought about the way he felt towards Harry, whether it was completely friendly or romantic too. He was a little scared at the thought of liking Harry as more than a friend for a few reasons. If Harry found out and didn't like him back, he might feel weirded out and not talk to Louis anymore, or maybe his mom wouldn't accept the fact that her son is gay. Even society would give him shit for the gender of the person he loves. Louis didn't want to think about all of that, he wanted to think about the day gay marriage would be legal all around the world and people could marry who they loved, not who society chose was acceptable. Louis wasn't sure if he was gay, straight, or anything in between, but he knew he felt something special towards Harry.


	13. Chapter 13

Louis awakes in the hospital once again on another stormy Saturday. He'd be leaving the hospital tomorrow, Sunday, then only returning every other day for his counseling sessions. He was happy he'd be able to go home and finally sleep in his own bed and shower in his own bathroom instead of these nasty hospital ones, and just do whatever he wanted instead of being stuck in a room all day long. Louis thinks if he stayed in that hospital room any longer he'd go insane, if he wasn't already. He'd grown so familiar to the plain surroundings in the room over the past week. Louis lied there, staring up at the plain ceiling that now has a few cracks in it. The thoughts he fell asleep with didn't leave him over night and he was still left wondering the same things. He'd only known Harry for such a short while yet the feelings he's developed for him are almost overwhelming. Maybe Louis' wrong, and he doesn't really have feelings for Harry, and that it's all just him being confused because for the first time in his life someone he's gotten close to hasn't hurt or left him. After all, his father died, his mother worked too much, Zayn passed too now, and no one else really cared enough to stay. Except for Harry. But maybe some people are just nice? And Harry doesn't have feelings for him, and Louis is just too emotionally fucked up to even know what he wants anymore. Since when did Louis even feel this way about boys? He had a girlfriend before after all. Louis was now convinced he didn't really now how he felt right now, and a friendly reminder of that would be the reason he's in the hospital right now anyway. He's just been through too much recently to be able to make such decisions clearly. He'd just have to see what happens between him and Harry. Everything falls into place with time, doesn't it?   
Louis isn't really a people-person, meaning he'd prefer to eat alone or stay home instead of going to a party. Maybe a little socially awkward too. But this particular day he didn't want to comply to the confinements of his little room. So once Louis cleared his head, he shuffled out of his room in little bunny slippers and down the hallway. He made himself a tea before continuing on his trip into a part of the hospital he was sure he wasn't allowed in but didn't care and proceeded anyway. He ventured past several hallways filled with rooms of patients- some like him, some a little different obviously. He stayed in a particularly quiet part of the hospital where patients like him could rest peacefully for their mental health. Louis continued on, passing a handful of vending machines and coffee makers. This particular wing of the hospital wasn't as quiet as Louis' but it wasn't loud either obviously. Louis had always thought his part of the building had been eerily silent. As he passed room by room in the hallway of this part, he suddenly heard someone singing. It wasn't just average singing either, it was great actually, and the person was clearly incredibly talented. Louis slowed his pace and navigated closer to the room where the sound was coming from. He listened on, not recognizing the song but soon realizing the singer. It was Harry. It soon ended with "don't let me go, cause I'm tired of sleeping alone" and Louis was astounded at the younger boys talent. He might have not heard Harry talk much, but he was sure it was him and Louis knew the boy could sing from the moment he first heard him talk. 

When Louis was back in his room, he was still thinking about Harry's singing. He tried looking up the lyrics to see what song Harry was singing but nothing came up. Louis had to assume it was an original then. And just as Louis thought Harry couldn't get any more perfect, here he was to prove Louis wrong once again. He sings, he writes, he's beautiful… Louis could go on. It was now about 3:00 in the afternoon and he had nothing better to do, so he decided to text Harry. Half an hour later they agreed Harry would meet Louis in the cafeteria. On the way there Louis decided to get Harry and himself a cup of tea to share while they talked. Once Louis was finished he walked to the cafeteria, past the heavy doors with two styrofoam cups in his hands and found Harry to be sitting at a table by the window. As soon as Louis got there Harry looked up at him and Louis found two styrofoam cups on the table as well. He gave Harry a questioning look about the cups before they both realized the situation. They both made tea for themselves and each other. Harry chuckled at the coincidence and mentioned something about them reading each other's minds. They finally greeted each other and sat at the table. They established that Harry would drink the tea Louis made him and Louis would drink the one Harry made him, to see just how well they know each other. Louis could easily say it was one of the best tea's he's ever drank.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I've luckily found some time to continue with writing this! I'm really glad it's doing well, and in this chapter the plot begins to unfold a bit more. The next few chapters are really adorable though. Thanks for reading! Enjoy :)

On Sunday Louis wakes up to another day of rain. He's happy to know he's leaving the hospital today and can stay in his home for the time being of his recovery. He had to stay in hospital for so long because he was on suicide watch and if he does anything stupid he'll end up right back there again. It sort of upset him that he wouldn't be able to see Harry as often but he would see him every other day when he attended his sessions and could visit him all the time. That thought then brought Louis to wonder when Harry was getting out of the hospital, though he knew it wouldn't be anytime soon with his brain tumor. Louis also remembered that he would have a ton of school work to make up for the 5 school days he missed. He was admitted to the hospital Saturday, March 23 at an early hour of the morning according to the bracelet they put on his right wrist, Louis observed. Today was Sunday, March 31, the day he leaves the hospital. Louis' mom would let him stay home for the week most likely, to just rest and have some time to get back on his feet. It wouldn't be easy to go back to school and Louis knew it. There he'd find several reasons to feel as upset as he did the morning of March 23rd. He didn't want to be troubled by that now though. So Louis got up and put on his bunny slippers before making his way out the door and to the coffee machine. He made himself tea and then strolled to the cafeteria and picked up a tray of breakfast since what they served here was better than what he was brought at his room. On the tray Louis had a ham and cheese sandwich, which he ate after he removed the cheese. He doesn't like cheese. He bought a bottle of water from a vending machine in the room and returned to his seat to finish breakfast with a small fruit cup. Whilst he began to finish his meal he noticed someone approached his table. Louis looked up with still slightly sleepy eyes to find Harry standing before him with a tired smile and disheveled curls in a mess. Louis motioned for Harry to sit in the chair opposite him at the round table to which Harry complied. Louis hurried to finish his food and placed the empty cup back onto his tray and began conversation with his friend.  
"G'morning, Harry." Louis started.  
"Morning, Lou." Harry replied. Louis noticed his voice sounded tired raspy but disregarded it, assuming it was because he had most likely just woken up. His morning voice was hot.  
"How're you today?" Louis asked, looking into Harry's bloodshot eyes. They looked like he was crying earlier.  
"M'well, you?"   
"I'm good too, thanks."   
Louis noticed Harry had brought along his own breakfast to the table and he began snacking on a banana. After a few moments of awkward silence besides the background noise of other patients in the cafeteria, Louis could sense something was wrong. There was no point in avoiding it.  
"Harry, is there something wrong?"  
Harry looked like he wanted to deny it at first, but when he looked into Louis' eyes full of genuine concern, he decided it'd be best to let his new pal know. He finished his banana.  
"Um, could we go to one of our rooms and talk about it or…" Harry trailed off, gesturing back towards the cafeteria doors that led back to the halls full of patients. Louis quickly nodded and gathered the things on his tray up and into a trash can before following Harry out of the exit and towards Harry's room. He got a little nervous, he'd never been in Harry's room before and didn't really know what to expect. But then again, how different could it be from Louis'? They soon reached a door Louis recognized. It was where Louis heard Harry singing just yesterday on his adventure around the hospital. They entered and Louis found it to be slightly larger than his but with similar furniture obviously. The walls were a light beige and there was an identical clock to the one Louis had in his room above Harry's door. They both sat down in separate comfortable seats across from each other and suddenly Louis got a bit worried by the look on the other pretty boy's face.   
"I um, got that tumor checked on yesterday." Harry began, voice slightly cracking.  
"The doctor said it wasn't extremely serious, but still something that's going to be a struggle to get rid of. He talked to my mum, and we decided we'd try "neo- adjuvant" chemotherapy, to get the tumor to stop growing or shrink a little and then get it removed by surgery."  
"But won't that have like horrible side effects and all?"  
"Well, the doctor didn't really want to tell me much but he mentioned something about vomiting, hair loss, and headaches. He also said I might experience memory loss and some other stuff. The worst part is though, even though my mom won't admit it, it's going to be a pain for my family to pay. We just moved here and haven't been that well financially since my dad died." Harry began tearing up by the last few sentences and Louis thought he had almost never seen anything so heartbreaking.   
"I'm so sorry, Harry. I promise, I'll be by your side ever chance I get. You don't have to go through this alone." Louis comforted. Harry smiled a little and smudged his tears with his hands.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I saw a lot more people have started reading since I updated earlier so I decided to post the next chapter for you guys. It's a bit short but cute chapter. I'll be updating more soon, I promise. Enjoy :)

Louis and Harry talked for what seemed like hours before a nurse checked into Harry's room to bring him to the counseling session. It was a different nurse than the one who usually brought Louis to the sessions. When she saw Louis was in the room she wasn't happy he went to a different section of the hospital without permission but didn't say much. They both followed her to the room they had become familiar with over the past week. When they entered, they observed they were the last to arrive. Everyone was seated around the room behind a desk with a piece of paper and pen on it. Doctor Horan sat patiently at the front of the room and waited until Louis and Harry were sat at the last desks at the end of the room near the window.   
"Today you will be circling a few adjectives that you'd find on the paper in front of you that you think best describe you according to each question. If there are any words you feel would better describe or you would like to explain your answer then on the piece of looseleaf attached to the paper write the words along with the question number. This will help me document how you're feeling and your state of mind. Please begin writing." Doctor Horan finished.  
Louis wrote his name at the top of the paper of the designated line and began to read over the first question. "How would you describe your thoughts right before you fall asleep?" After analyzing the choices, he circled "confusing," "calming," and "helpful." He decided to clarify on the piece of paper attached that he meant that his thoughts were about how his day was and that they sometimes help him figure things out. The second question the paper asked was "how would you describe your thoughts throughout the average day?" Louis circled "positive," "negative," and "random" and went on to circle more before having his attention drawn away from the paper. Harry threw a note to him on a piece of paper he must have ripped off of the looseleaf. Louis chuckled and opened the note. It read "you're cute when you're concentrated." Louis smiled and looked over to Harry who was blushing and quickly looked to the ground. Louis thought Harry just might be the most adorable thing he's ever seen. He flipped the paper over and scribbled on a "thanks" before folding it again and throwing it back over to Harry. Louis then turned to finish the questions on the paper. The last question read "how are you currently feeling?" Louis simply circled "in love."


	16. Chapter 16

Louis thought Harry Styles might be the most confusing thing to ever exist. He pondered over it back in his room after the session ended and he waited to be picked up by his mom. Today was the day he finally got to go home for good. It won't be easy missing Harry but he'll visit as often as he can. He decided to text him while he waited. A few seconds later Harry replied and they had a conversation going at once. Talking to Harry was always so easy. He decided to ask Harry when his birthday was. Harry didn't even question Louis asking, and simply answered "February 1st, and you?" Louis texted back and they continued their cute chat. He mentioned that he was leaving the hospital but he'd be back to visit him all the time. Harry felt happy that he'd still at least get to see Louis. Louis also promised him that they can FaceTime whenever he likes. Harry cheered up at that and before Louis knew it the nurse stopped by to tell him to gather his things and come to the front desk because his mother had arrived. Louis texted Harry that he was going right now and Harry told him to wait 1 minute. Louis agreed, confused as he began to pack all of his belongings into the duffel bag he had brought with him. As soon as he stepped out of the room, he looked downy he hallway to see Harry running down to Louis' room. Once he reached Louis he hugged him tightly and Louis couldn't help but smile.   
"You ran all the way from your room to hug me goodbye? You're crazy, Styles." Harry only grinned and Louis thought he was one smug motherfucker.   
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that rancorous nurse is going to give me a whipping once I get back." Harry joked, and Louis blushed at the immediate thought that surfaced in his mind.   
"Well, um, I'm gonna get going then, my mum's waiting for me at the lobby. See you around, Harry."  
"See ya, Lou." The boys hugged one last time and Louis rushed off, almost forgetting his duffel bag had it not been for Harry who called after him to remind him. Louis may or may not have done that on purpose just to get to see Harry for a few more seconds.

 

Once Louis was in the car on his way home with his mum he was thinking again. About what just happened, and today, and simply Harry Styles. Jay noticed.  
"Whatcha thinking about, Lou?" She asked.   
"Not much really." Louis knew Jay could tell he was lying. She gave him a knowing look once they stopped at a red light and Louis gave in to his mother's convincing way of getting him to talk.   
"Well, you know Harry right?" He began. She nodded with a slight smile on her face.  
"I've been thinking, and I don't mean that I'm certain it's how I feel, but I think I'm seeing him as something other than a friend. It confuses me though, is that okay? Is it normal for me to feel this way about another guy?" Louis asked, eyes full of hope for acceptance from his mother. He wasn't exactly coming out, but it was pretty close.  
"Louis, sweetheart, of course it is. You should love whoever you like. No matter if they're a boy or girl. And don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise." She responded. Louis was so happy, it was a huge relief to know his mother supported him. He noticed she was smiling, and it puzzled him a bit.   
"Why're you smiling?" He asked.  
"Because I've always sensed you were different, Louis. You didn't have to say anything, I just saw it in you. And I knew as soon as I saw you with Harry that he was someone special to you. Mother's intuition, I guess." Louis was amazed at his mother. She always seemed so distant yet she knew her son so well. They were driving again now, nearing home. Louis couldn't wait until they got there so he could have a snack, shower, and go to sleep in his own bed again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :) love how well the story's doing! Hope you like this chapter, enjoy!

Once they arrived back at their home, Louis saw his car in the garage next to the house. He hasn’t driven in a while, he noticed. He’d use it to drive to visit Harry each day at the hospital though, since his mom would be working. When they entered the house they both sat on the leather couch and Louis put his duffel bag down to the side.   
“You’ll be happy to know that I’ve taken the day off tomorrow. And I know that school’s been a bit tough so as a little welcome home present and tool to help you when you’re out or around the house, I got you this.” Jay finished as she pulled a rectangular, wrapped box from beside the couch. Louis accepted it and tore the paper off to reveal a brand new MacBook Pro (laptop). He examined it and thought to himself how lucky he was, to have a computer in his room along with an expensive laptop now too. Louis smiled and thanked his mom, he knew she worked hard to earn the money and even though he’s been treated to a life of luxury he still knew how to appreciate the things he has. After a few minutes of conversation he went up the cold, marble stairs with bare feet to his room with his new gift and bag of things. He threw the duffel bag onto his bed and set the new laptop carefully onto his desk. He pulled a new t-shirt and some sweatpants for a pajama and went into his bathroom to shower.   
An hour later Louis has showered, washed his face and dressed in his pajamas as he steps downstairs and into the kitchen for a quick snack before bed. He chose an apple from the refrigerator and sauntered back to his room. He decided to maybe set up his new laptop. Louis unpackaged it and pushed his computer monitor back a little. Once he signed in with his account and all, he was set. Louis wasn’t sure if it was curiosity or concern but he decided to search up the kind of cancer Harry has and the treatment he had told him about today. He learned that it was a process that would be quite a strain on Harry. It wouldn’t be cheap at all either along with the fact that Harry would have to suffer all of this for a chance of success after the surgery. It was a risky surgery that if went wrong in any way could potentially harm Harry and it worried Louis to no end. His phone suddenly buzzed and Louis saw it was a message from Harry. He said that he found out he was having his first chemo session tomorrow and Louis thought he was going to cry. Louis replied with wishing him luck and telling him to go to sleep, he would need the rest. They shared their goodnights and Louis went to bed too, because he knew exactly what he was doing tomorrow. 

 

When Louis wakes up, there are rays of sun hitting his face and his feet are tangled in the sheets. He gets up and chooses his clothes and styles his hair in a lazy fringe. Once he decides he looks decent he grabs his Hollister sweater and goes downstairs. Louis gathers his wallet and car keys and goes into the garage to start his car. He drives first to Dunkin Donuts and grabs 2 chocolate donuts not even bothering to check how many calories they are because it would only pain him. He also orders two teas to his and Harry’s likings and returns to his car to drive to the hospital. About 10 minutes later he parks a block away from the building and approaches the lobby once he enters. Louis asks the nurse if he can visit Harry and though she seems reluctant she allows him to. He walks down the hallway and past his old room and the coffee machine where he met Harry before continuing on to the section where Harry stays. He arrives in front of the room before knocking on the door and waits a second before Harry opens the door. Louis observes his face and he looks a bit restless and nervous, but Louis doesn’t know what else to expect. He smiles when he sees Louis though and that makes Louis’ heart melt. Harry steps aside and lets Louis into the room and shuts the door behind him.  
“Hey” Louis greets. “I brought us breakfast, got here as soon as I could.”  
“Thanks Lou.” Harry accepts the tea and a donut on a napkin and steps back to sit down on one of the sofa chairs.   
“I know it’s not that healthy of a breakfast but it was the closest thing. I wanted to make sure you didn’t begin the treatment yet. What time do you start?”  
“In about half an hour. You want to stay for it?” Harry asks, confused as to why Louis wants to see him in such a sickly state, and why he even cares enough to spend his time here.  
“Of course, I care about you and I’m not leaving your side until I know you’re okay.” Louis responds with genuine concern. Harry smiles at that and is grateful to have such a great friend that’s only known him for so long yet cares so much about him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I hardly have any time to write anymore bc school. But I haven't forgotten about this, ill try to update soon as well! Thanks for reading :)

As Louis and Harry talked, Louis could tell he made him forget about today for a little bit and he smiled at that. There was a knock to the door and Harry went to open it. A woman entered and hugged Harry tightly before they proceeded into the room. She was a woman who looked fairly young and had a bit of Harry’s features, Louis observed.   
“Um, Louis, this is my mum. Mum, this is Louis, my new friend.” Harry explained.   
“It’s nice to meet you Louis, Harry’s been telling me about you.” Harry’s mother greeted. She gave him a warm smile and looked like a sweet, loving mom. They talked for a bit and she seemed to have no problem with Louis staying with Harry for his treatment. She was actually thankful he was, since she couldn’t because she had to go back to work in a little while. Louis assured her that it was no problem and that he wanted to stay with Harry and help him with anything. Soon after Louis and Harry finished their breakfast and drank their tea a nurse came in and asked Harry to follow her so he could begin treatment. At that point Harry’s mom had to leave as she would already be late for work, and when Louis was saying goodbye she told him to call her Anne. Louis thought that was a kind gesture as they had only just met. She hugged Harry tightly and wiped a few tears before saying her goodbye’s and finally leaving. It was a different nurse than last time, one who was sweet and sincere and probably pitied Harry and Louis wondered who wouldn’t. He was a sweet, charming 15 year old boy who recently lost his father and didn’t deserve any of this. She let Louis follow Harry since he said he wanted Louis by his side during the chemo. Louis thought he could almost see Harry’s knees shaking as he stood and began to walk. He didn’t blame him either, it must be terrifying to be in Harry’s position right now. They walked for what felt like eternity before reaching a door in a different part of the large hospital that Louis had never been in before. When they entered, Louis observed it had light beige walls similar to Harry’s room and stickers on the lower part of it where children must have been. Louis imagined they would let the children be creative in this room if they were getting therapy such as chemo. Light flowed in past the white blinds opened at the window. The nurse led Harry over to the bed and he lied down in it while she let an IV into a vein in his left arm.   
“Okay, you’re all set. The session should be over in about an hour, where someone will wheel you back to your room. If you begin to feel sick there’s a garbage pail right over here for you. Just press this button if you need anything.” She finished, pointing to a button on a remote next to the hospital bed. She gave him a sympathetic smile and walked out of the room. Louis pulled up a chair to Harry’s bed and sat down. 

Half an hour later Louis and Harry are deep in conversation when Harry’s face turns from a smile to one that looked like he was in pain. Louis was about to ask what was wrong when Harry bent over the edge of the bed to the garbage pail and threw up. Louis held Harry’s curls up from his face and rubbed his back. He handed him a napkin to wipe his face afterwards and Harry gave Louis an appreciative look. Their conversation continued to the subject of how Harry’s mom had to pay for the therapy on top of their new house and losing her husband and Louis was sure he’d start crying. He assumes Harry must have noticed and it was almost funny because shouldn’t Harry be the one crying? Except nothing about this situation was funny.

Once an hour and 7 minutes passed (Louis had been counting) a different nurse entered with a wheelchair and disconnected the IV from Harry’s arm. She helped him up and sat him in the wheelchair and Louis thought Harry looked as fragile as paper-thin glass. She wheeled him out of the room and Louis followed them back to Harry’s room, where he moved into his bed and lied on his right side facing Louis and the window.   
“Louis, can you tell me a story?” Harry suddenly asked, as Louis sat down on the chair next to Harry’s bed facing him.  
“What kind of story, Haz?”   
“Anything you can think of.” He replied and his eyes looked droopy. Louis thought he sort of looked like a tired, cuddly little kitten.  
“Okay. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful prince who lived in a castle. He got very sick and the whole village was sad and hoped the young prince would live to get married one day. Then, a lonely little boy who lived in the village went to visit the young prince to see if he was well.” Louis began, and he looked at Harry to find him nearly asleep already, just hardly blinking his eyes open every few seconds.   
“The young prince and the boy became great friends and eventually fell in love. The amount of happiness the young prince felt fought off the sickness, and the two boys got married and lived happily ever after.” By now Harry was asleep and Louis decided he should head home and give him a chance to rest. Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s curls before standing and quietly leaving the boy in his peaceful sleep. Louis thought he looked like an angel.


	19. Chapter 19 Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am SO sorry for the long wait. I hardly have time for anything anymore, and writing is a struggle but I am not giving up on this piece. If you're still here and reading it, thank you for having faith in this work-in-progress. This is part 1 to the chapter since I feel it's too short to be one on it's own, I'll update as soon as I finish writing Part 2 and make sure I'm happy with it. Thank you guys so much for reading.

2 Weeks Later

A piercing blare of beeps fill the cold space of Louis’ room. His eyes shoot open and he reaches his arm over to his nightstand to turn off the alarm clock already giving him a headache. It’s a shitty Monday morning, the 15th of April as displayed on Louis’ phone sitting on the dock. He shuts his eyes and lies on his back for a couple more minutes, debating on whether he should just barricade his door and ignore the world for today. But reason eventually persuades him to sit up, which also takes a while because his head spins when he gets up too quickly. He shuffles over to his closet and picks out some band t-shirt and sweatpants, before making his way over to the mirror and ruffling through the mess of hair on his head. Today’s the start of his second week back at school since the incident. Everyone has basically ignored him, few people asked what happened the 2 weeks he was gone from school. But not everything was totally normal. It’s sort of quieter now that Zayn’s gone, and Louis believes it’s because he was the life and soul of the school. He made the place a bit brighter, and while he wasn’t popular or anything, he was known for the simple happiness he carried around and spread everywhere. So no one really gave Louis trouble, even the bullies toned down their jokes and insults. The thing that got him through the day was knowing he could go and see Harry afterwards.   
Once school was finally over, Louis got into his car and drove home, arriving and pulling into the driveway a few minutes later. He grabbed his back pack and shut the engine off. After unlocking the door to his huge house, Louis threw his bag into some corner and ran up the marble steps of his elaborate house in his all-black Vans and burst into his room. He ran up to his walk-in closet and pulled a few drawers to find his several pairs of sweatpants and grabbed 2 pairs of them, along with 3 plain black t-shirts that were too big on him. He packed this all into his duffel bag and ran back down the large marble staircase and into the kitchen. Louis knew he needed to bring Harry some real food because hospital food was simply unbearable, as he had experienced first-hand. As he opened the door to the refrigerator, he found two containers of a chicken cutlet and mashed potatoes labeled “Louis” and ”Harry.” Louis smiled at how well his mum knew him. He stole both containers from the fridge and shoved them into the microwave to slightly reheat them. After about a minute, he put them at the bottom of the duffel bag hoping security wouldn’t check it and picked up his keys and wallet from the coffee table on his way out.


End file.
